If You Could Kick…

If You Could Kick…
====================

If you could kick the posterior of the person who has hurt you the most,

…you wouldn’t be able to sit down for six weeks.

~John Hagee~

“Wanna borrow a jack?”

——————————

——————-
MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#5161 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
————————————————-

Wanna Borrow A Jack?
=====================

One day I went to a lawyer friend for advice.

“I’m in real trouble” I said. “My neighbors across the road
are going on vacation for a month; and instead of boarding their
dogs they are going to keep them locked up and a woman is coming
to feed them, if she doesn’t forget. Meanwhile they’ll be
lonely and bark all day and howl all night, and I won’t be able
to sleep. I’ll either have to call the SPCA to haul them away
or I’ll go berserk and go over there and shoot them and then
when my neighbors return, they’ll go berserk and come over and
shoot me.

My lawyer patted back a delicate yawn. “Let me tell you a
story,” he said. “And don’t stop me if you’ve heard it because
it will do you good to hear it again.”

“A fellow was speeding down a country road late at night and
BANG! went a tire. He got out and looked but he had no jack.

“Then he said to himself. ‘Well, I’ll just walk to the nearest
farmhouse and borrow a jack.’ He saw a light in the distance
and said, ‘Well, I’m in luck; the farmer’s up. I’ll just knock
on the door and say I’m in trouble, would you please lend me a
jack? And he’ll say, why sure, neighbor, help yourself, but
bring it back.’

“He walked on a little farther and the light went out so he said
to himself, ‘Now he’s gone to bed, and he’ll be annoyed because
I’m bothering him so he’ll probably want some money for his
jack. And I’ll say, all right, it isn’t very neighborly but
I’ll give you a quarter.

And he’ll say, do you think you can get me out of bed in the
middle of the night and then offer me a quarter? Give me a
dollar or get yourself a jack somewhere else.’

“By the time he got to the farmhouse the fellow had worked
himself into a lather. He turned into the gate and muttered.
‘A dollar! All right, I’ll give you a dollar. But not a cent
more! A poor devil has an accident and all he needs is a jack.
You probably won’t let me have one no matter what I give you.
That’s the kind of guy you are.’

“Which brought him to the door and he knocked angrily, loudly.
The farmer stuck his head out the window above the door and
hollered down, ‘Who’s there? What do you want?’ The fellow
stopped pounding on the door and yelled up,
‘You and your stupid jack! You know what you can do with it!’”

When I stopped laughing, I started thinking, and I said,
“Is that what I’ve been doing?”

“Right,” he said, “and you’d be surprised how many people come
to a lawyer for advice, and instead of calmly stating the facts,
start building up a big imaginary fight; what he’ll say to his
partner, what she’ll say to her husband, or how they’ll tell the
Old Man off about his will. So I tell them the story about the
jack and they cool off.

“The next time I hear from them, one tells me that the partner
was glad to meet him halfway; the gal says she can’t understand
it, her husband was so reasonable she thought she must have
gotten somebody else on the phone; the relatives found out the
Old Man had already been asking a lawyer how he could give
everything to them before he died, to save them inheritance tax.”

I thought, “How true! Most of us go through life bumping into
obstacles we could easily bypass; spoiling for a fight and
lashing out in blind rages at fancied wrongs and imaginary foes.

“And we don’t even realize what we are doing until someone
startles us one day with a vivid word like a lightning flash on
a dark night.”

Well, the other night I was driving home from the city. I was
late for dinner and I hadn’t phoned my wife. As I crawled along
in a line of cars, I became more and more frustrated and angry.
I’ll tell her I was caught in the heavy weekend traffic and
she’ll say, “Why didn’t you phone me before you left town?”

Then I’ll say, “What difference does it make anyway, I’m here!”
And she’ll say, “Yes, and I’m here, too, and I’ve been here all
day waiting to hear from you!” And I’ll say, “I suppose I
haven’t anything else to do but call you up every hour on the
hour and make like a lovebird!” And she’ll say, “You mean like
a wolf, but you wouldn’t be calling me!”

By this time I am turning into the drive and I am plenty steamed
up.

As I jumped out and slammed the car door, my wife flung open the
window upstairs.

“All right!” I shouted up to her, “Say it!”

“I will,” she cooed softly. “Wanna borrow a jack?”

~J.P. McEvoy~

Send issue 5161 to a friend Click http://www.ztaf.com/mw.htm

Why Dogs Don’t Live As Long As People

——————————

——————-
MountainWings       A MountainWings Moment
#7016          Wings Over The Mountains of Life
————————————————-

Why Dogs Don’t Live As Long As People
======================================

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-
old Irish Wolfhound named Belker.  The dog’s owners, Ron, his
wife Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very much
attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.  I told the
family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to
perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it
would be good the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure.
They felt as though Shane might learn something from the
experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s
family surrounded him.  Shane seemed so calm, petting the old
dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was
going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.  The
little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any
difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering
aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than
human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him.  What came out of his mouth next
stunned me.  I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said,

“People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life
like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?”

The four-year-old continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do
that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

~Author Unknown~