Halloween Joke

Halloween Joke
===============

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind
him he hears:

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog h e makes out
the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle
of the street toward him.

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket
bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER…

FASTER…

BUMP…

BUMP…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door,
rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of
the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

clappity-BUMP…

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in.  His
heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in
sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he
can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket…

and,

(hopefully you’re ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops

fragile ego

you’ve been warned….

if you got a fragile ego….

move along…

if you’re too precious…

move along….

the eye of a hurricane…

is always calm…

and free of clouds…

morpheus

oh! not the matrix morpheus….the greek god of dreams….the one who molds, shapes or forms… amazing how we all turn into something…constantly changing…either for the better or the worse…

like kids…they’re those sweet little angels…til they turn into little monsters….then they grow fangs and tails…and then maybe into something more tolerable…and bearable…or into  something disgusting, dirty, dangerous, difficult and despicable only a mother could love ;p

not really sure about people changing when they get to a certain age…a dog will always be a dog…or you can’t teach old dogs new tricks… or nature vs. nurture…

whatever… however…eventually… me gotta good one

from a friend’s profile

“You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.” Olin Miller

“It is curious how people go on believing that the musician knows less about what he is doing than those that judge him.” – Darius Milhaud

“Tears are words the heart can’t express”

“If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music.” ~Gustav Mahler

“Music is what feelings sound like.”

“I am not perfect but that’s okay cause neither are you”

“Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.”

“The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.” Vi Putnam

“Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.” Frank Zappa

“Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.”

damn great…

THIS ONE IS FUNStart at 50 and add or subtract points as stated for each statement
that applies to you…

Add 10 if you are a virgin.

-Subtract 5 if You have had sex before.

-Subtract 5 more if you have had sex with more then 5 people.

-Add 5 If you have never had oral sex.

-Subtract 5 if you have had or performed oral sex.

-Subtract 2 if you have had sex in a public place.

-Subtract 3 if you have done 69.

-Add 5 If you have never had an orgasm.

-Add 5 If you cant name 3 types/brands of condoms.

-Subtract 2 if you have masturbated.

-Subtract 3 if you have fingered/ given a handjob to someone else.

-Subtract 5 if you have used someone for sex (one night stand).

-Add 5 if You have never seen someone of the opposite sex naked.

-Add 3 if you haven’t been kissed in the past month. [At least not
romantic or passionately.]

-Add 2 if you have never masturbated.

-Add 5 if you have never seen or watched porn.

-Subtract 5 if you have made your own porn.

-Subtract 3 if you have participated in anal sex.

-Subtract 2 if you have used lube during sex.

-Add 5 If you cant remember your last perverted thought.

-Subtract 5 if you have used sex toys.

-Subtract 3 if you have had a perverted thought in the past hour.

-Subtract 2 if you have kissed someone of the same sex

Above75 means you kinda suck in bed.
Above 50 means you are not so good in bed..and not so fun
Below 50 means you are fun in bed
Below 25 means you are damn great in bed!

i wish…

pocketful of sunshine

burn

three hours

how i wish the vet would do housecalls…

jake needs four shots….

yeah…he has seen his doctor more often than i have mine…

i know i could just ask him to come over ;p

in my dreams!!!! hahahaha!!!!

nah…jake needs to go out…

need to take him out for a drive too…

and i need to go grocery shopping…

the only shopping i could afford…

hate shopping though…

all those bags to carry…

seize the day i could shop!!!!

shoes!!!scarves!!! i miss salvatore!!!!

and you wait tifanny…me likee my gfs choker ;p

can’t believe how cheap rockport wedges are fck!!!!!!!

duty free wait for me ;p

oh! the thought of shopping …. OTL

and they got dominos across the street…

at the vet’s…

had pizza last weekend…

delivered hahahahaha…

now, that’s not to where i live ;p

i rearranged my schedule today…

to take jake to the vet…

and have pizza…

and take my boots to camper….

woke up early enough

tried to wake up earlier…

(thanks for trying to wake me up! liked the video lastnight??)

oh well…

that’s what you get

when you stay up really late…

phones are nasty things….

they keep you up soooooooo late ;p

don’t think i’d fall asleep…

before midnight though…

but i did try to go to bed early…

had a wonderful bath…

drank assholes to oblivion…

no pink lights….

now…

i got 3 hours before work…

kitchen cleaned….

floors mopped….

ready for the party tonight….

cloudy sky….

ice cream…

chocolates…

lunch is taking forever ….

mighty mouse

Mighty Mouse
=============

TAIPEI, Taiwan, (UPI) – Taiwan firefighters caring for a foot-
long viper tossed a tiny mouse in the cage as a snack but then
watched as the mouse turned mighty and killed the snake.

The furry little rodent skirted in and out of range of the
snake’s gaping jaws and long fangs, darted in for a bite, then
skittered away, constantly on the attack. At the end of a
fierce 30-minute battle at the Nanoun fire station, the snake
was dead, the mouse had “barely a scratch on him,” one fireman
told The Daily Telegraph.

from The Mountain:
Remember this mouse when things get tough. Don’t give up, keep
swinging, keep fighting, keep hoping, keep praying and keep
working. You’ve got someone on your side.